Homer Simpson got it right when he made the comment: “Pork chops and bacon, my two favorite animals.”
As humans, we fought hard to get to the top of the food chain. We are considered apex predators because of eating meat – beef, pork, lamb, poultry, and the list goes on. If you enjoy hunting in Sherman Country, your choice of meat may be even more diverse.
Not everyone is considered an apex predator, though. Some people have chosen to fall down the food chain a bit because they choose not to eat meat. Their reasons can vary from concerns of animal welfare to environmental awareness to health convictions.
How do you know if someone is vegetarian (or, vegan)? Don’t worry. They’ll tell you within the first two minutes of meeting them.
The Hardest Part About Being a Vegan…
Some would say that the hardest part about being a vegan is waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds. Seriously, have you ever heard such a crazy thing? The reality is that you don’t actually milk them at all. Instead, you soak them, blend them, and strain them. It’s a lot of work when there’s an easier option that comes right from your local dairy cows.
Veganism is like communism. They’re both fine unless you like food.
There are a LOT of things you can’t eat if you choose to lead a vegan lifestyle. Every instance of ordering food involves the question of, “Does this have meat products in it?”
“No thanks, I’m vegetarian,” is great to say when someone hands you a baby.
Until you go vegan, you might not even realize just how many things are made with meat. Cornbread (the really good kind like grandma makes) has animal lard in it. Gummy bears have gelatin inside (don’t ask). Worcestershire sauce isn’t even safe because it has anchovies in it.
Do you really have that kind of time to read labels and ask questions about literally everything you consume? I don’t know about you, but I like to be able to randomly put food into my mouth at street fairs, carnivals, and even the Costco tasting booths.
Is a life without mindless eating even worth living?
I Can’t Make Everyone Happy
I’m not even going to try to make everyone happy. I’m not bacon. If you’re vegetarian, vegan, or just starving yourself for some other reason, you might as well stop reading this now. Nothing else I say is going to give you a warm, tingling sensation.
People who eat meat are happy. Perhaps it’s because they are confident in their position in the food chain. Perhaps it’s because they love eating juicy delicious meat in front of those who have been starving themselves from the moment that they announced that they are vegetarian/vegan.
I like making jokes about vegetarians but never about tofu. That’s just tasteless.
Once you realize that you love meat, you go in search of ways to find it created in different ways. You smoke it, fry it, and even dip it in chocolate. You HAVE had chocolate-dipped bacon before, right?
Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong.
“No meat! What do they eat? Lightbulbs?” – Homer Simpson
Salad is for rabbits. Rabbits are not apex predators. Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to consume that as my meal. Perhaps if it was served on a bed of chargrilled meat, I could consider the greens. Otherwise, it’s just a bowl of sadness.
I like to eat what I want without having to give it much thought.
Having nutrition information on a bag of Cheetos is like having dating tips on a box of Crocs. You have to know your audience.
It’s also why I don’t understand why there are so many companies pushing faux meat in the grocery stores. Suddenly, there are five brands of burgers with no meat, an entire div of frozen chicken tenders with no chicken, and some sort of vegan cardboard that is passing itself off as pizza.
Apex Predators Prefer Quality Erections
Apex predators are at the top of the food chain because they don’t have any natural predators of their own. No one or nothing is hunting them, and they have never hunted themselves.
Humans (the ones who eat meat) are at the top. Vegetarians are further down the list because they can be taken out by pesticides, and vegans are even further down the list because they can be taken out by pesticides and even a bug.
We need to be real about our needs. Not only do we need meat, but we also need a way to cook it. Smokers, grills, deep fryers, ovens. All of that requires space.
Once you find a nice piece of property in Sherman Country, you need a structure for storage. If you hunt for your meat, you may even need a place to store your guns, have a place to clean your game, and showcase the predators you’ve taken down.
A pole barn can be a great option because it is durable, customizable, and capable of meeting your every need. While there are a lot of different options on the market, you want the best.
Of course, you don’t need to use the structure just for storage. It can become anything you want, including a barndominium. Only meat-eaters can live in a barndominium, though. No vegan will want to hear the word “barn” because they’ll think of meat and have to go on a rampage about why soy is better than beef.
Sherman Pole Buildings are known for our quality erections because we are meat-eating apex predators who choose steaks over salads every single day of the week. Some studies have even shown that eating meat can create brain growth and lead to being smarter. What does this have to do with pole barns? Well, it helps to explain our 20+ years of expert craftsmanship.
You don’t want some tofu-eating architect to build your pole barn, do you? Absolutely not. Come eat some meat with us while we talk to you about the benefits of our steel buildings. We promise you’ll love everything we have to offer. We might even give you a discount if you bring some bacon with you to the meeting.