I was going to tell a cannibal joke, but then I decided it would be in bad taste.
Whether you find cannibalism to be fascinating or gross, the reality is that it happens. Sometimes, people feel the desire to reach over to a loved one and obtain a bit more protein. Most humans are hard-wired not to want to eat their own kind, but it’s not always the case. And sometimes, it’s about survival of the fittest.
Cannibalism is when you eat other humans. So, what makes humans different than cows, chickens, or any other animal that you may consume at a meal? Well, there’s the whole same species argument. Eating human brain can make you sick. Eating any part of the human can make you sick, actually. Raw or cooked.
Every truck is a food truck … If you’re a cannibal.
That doesn’t stop some people.
It’s illegal in the United States. It’s illegal in most parts of the world, too.
Not in the Netherlands, though. Cannibalism is legal as long as the flesh or the body parts have been legally obtained. I’m gonna be honest. I’ve never been to the Netherlands. Though, something tells me I don’t want to go. Exactly how do you go about obtaining body parts legally for the purpose of consuming them? You know what? Never mind. I’m sorry I asked.
However, I do have one question about it. Do cannibals refer to homeless people as “free range?”
Accidental Cannibalism
I suppose it’s best to start off with some advice. Never accept a cup of Joe from a cannibal.
If we have ever succumbed to cannibalism, it was by accident. No, I’m not talking about eating a drumstick that looks suspiciously like a femur and just believing that it was a turkey leg.
As soon as I walked into the cannibals dinner party, someone gave me a handshake. It was delicious.
No, I’m talking about grammatical issues. You know, like when you text a friend and accidentally become a cannibal because you forgot a comma.
Let’s eat grandpa!
No! Grandpa did nothing wrong to go out like that. You didn’t mean to suggest eating him. You simply forgot that pesky comma.
Let’s eat, grandpa!
Much better. Now, you have invited grandpa to dine with you. And hopefully, it’s not to eat grandma.
Meanwhile, if you’re Jonny Depp, you may simply have to engage because you made a threat. He once said, “If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”
Gross, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
Forced Cannibalism
“I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.” – Abbie Hoffman
Yikes. Think about that one for a minute. You’re told by the military to go in and kill people because you’re in a war. You do as you’re told. And then, for dinner, you’re served up a plate of fingers and toes. Do you just pretend that they’re chicken nuggets and take one for the team, or do you walk away and risk dishonorable discharge?
She does have a point, though. While it may not end wars, it would stop some of the senseless killings. Especially those that are based on hate. Hey, instead of a life sentence without parole, we’re going to serve up this lovely person to you – piece by piece – for the next week. That’s even worse than Hammurabi’s Code of an eye for an eye.
I’ve just opened a Cannibal themed restaurant. We would love to have you for dinner.
There are also all of the zombies in the world. They didn’t ask to become zombies. But now, they’re being forced to consume human flesh for survival. If they don’t eat humans, they risk extinction. And some zombies are just your friendly neighborhood realtors. If they’re killing the bad people, does it even matter?
I don’t know. There are clearly some gray lines when it comes to cannibalism. Eating an arm or munching on some flesh isn’t for me, but I’m not going to judge anyone for what they enjoy nibbling on. I mean, I might report you to the authorities, but I won’t judge you.
Hiding Your Habits in a Garage
There have been plenty of undead movies where a person uses their garage for nefarious purposes. You can usually tell when there’s something funky going on in there, too. Fluorescent lights shine from the building at odd hours of the night. There’s a gooey blood trail leading to the door. And there is likely a giant body freezer somewhere in the garage.
At Sherman Pole Buildings, we hope we’ve never sold a she shed to a cannibal. When they talk about how they love to cook, we always assume they mean harmless things like fried chicken or smoked brisket. We never asked them what they were cooking—or rather, who.
That’s got me wondering. What would we do if we found out one of our customers had resorted to cannibalism and was using one of our garages as their sinful little hideaway?
Once, we got seriously lost on a holiday, and eventually even had to resort to cannibalism to survive. It was tough, but our choices were either that or McDonalds.
The number of questions the authorities would ask…
No, officer. She seemed like such a nice woman. We had no idea that the disappearances in Sherman Country were being feasted upon by this woman. No, officer. We didn’t know that there were body parts thrown around the garage.
People make me sick. I guess I should stop eating them.
I jest, I jest.
Seriously. The pole barns that we offer at Sherman are capable of housing any of your vehicles or your hobbies. Hopefully, you’re not eating people. If you are, we don’t want to know about it.
We can customize your quality erections in terms of size, space, windows, doors, and more. If you want the building outfitted with flooring, cabinets, and other features, we can help. Or you can take the DIY approach.
Just don’t throw your arms up in a temper tantrum. We’ll do whatever it is that is needed to provide you with the garage or she shed of your dreams.
Call us, and we’ll discuss the details!